Why the UFC's "world tour" might have been the best worst thing for Jose Aldo

Jose Aldo

Consider, if you will, the plight of the UFC translator.

These poor souls. They go to school and study hard, learn a valuable trade for a global marketplace, ending up with an understanding of at least two different languages that’s better than many of us have of one. Still they’re forced to decide whether its worth the trouble to whisper into UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo’s ear just to tell him that some fan would like to know whether he wore his wife’s or his mother’s underwear to the press conference today.

Try and tell me that this particular translator didn’t at least briefly wish he’d studied dentistry instead. Rarely does anyone ask a dentist to call one of the most dangerous men in the world a “p-ssy” on behalf of someone else.

This was how the UFC 189 “world championship tour” ended today, after its final stop in Dublin. As Conor McGregor (17-2 MMA, 5-0 UFC) basked in the adoration of his hometown fans, Aldo (25-1 MMA, 7-0 UFC) sat on the other side of the dais, furiously chomping on his gum as the Irish faithful did their best to make him eat spoonful after spoonful of crap.

Jose, what will you do after Conor retires you? Jose, will you cry when you lose? Jose, will you shine that belt before giving it up?

And lo they did parade the champion through the town square, and lo the little children did make sport of him.

Even for a guy from a country where “you’re gonna die!” is the go-to chant lobbed at foreign fighters, it had to be an unpleasant way to spend an evening. That’s not to say that Aldo’s fans in Brazil didn’t get their shots in when they had McGregor as a captive audience. Though, in fairness, that was more of a conversation than gleeful mockery, in part because McGregor actually seemed to enjoy the attention.

For Aldo this whole tour felt like some twisted experiment. It was as if the UFC needed to know how far he could be pushed before resorting to murder, and so it handed him an itinerary and told McGregor to crank it up a notch.

It’s a hell of a way to make a living, especially when you’ve already established yourself as the best featherweight in the world. Then again, if you’re a pro fighter concerned about the number of zeroes on your paychecks, maybe sitting through an hour’s worth of slurred insults is worth it.

After all, Aldo has already tried it the other way, where all he does is beat absolutely everyone, for years and years and years. Where has that gotten him? You know, other than to the very top of his division, where the compensation is apparently not always to his liking.

It’s McGregor who has given the Aldo the gift of a feud, that rare commodity in the world of professional fighting. If used correctly, it turns to gold in the palm of your hand. It’s McGregor who’s made fans even outside of Brazil really care about Aldo, which is something that Aldo never seemed all that interested in doing for himself.

Having scorn heaped upon him in Dublin probably wasn’t any more fun for Aldo than being forced to stand so close to McGregor day after day without being permitted to hit him. It probably also didn’t feel to him like he was being afforded the dignity of his office, so to speak, when McGregor snatched up his belt and held it over his head like a schoolyard bully.

Then again, the UFC didn’t bring Aldo to Ireland because it thought he’d enjoy the civil discourse there. This was kind of the point, demeaning and infuriating though it may have been for a champion who, let’s be honest, has earned more respect than he got.

But while the experience of the UFC tour might not have been pleasant, and while it was at times a little cringe-inducing to watch, at least it promises to be lucrative for the champ. At least he’ll get to fight this Irishman at the end, and likely for more money than he’s ever made in his life.

If that translator is smart, that’s what he was whispering in Aldo’s ear as the Irish fans pelted him with insults from a safe, delirious distance. No, Jose, they’re not calling you names. They’re calling you rich.